My Quarrels with Quarantine

     As much as I try to stay positive through this unique situation and look for the silver lining in things, that simply isn't all reality for me. Things are just not always perfectly shaped and brightly colored rainbows on my end, which doesn't sit well with my OCD. There are a few issues I am battling, and if I don't address them, I might me missing the chance to relate to some of you, maybe some of you are grappling with the same things and we can problem solve together. 
     The first, is weight gain or the willpower to stay the heck out of the fridge. I find myself starting each day just like that, a new and fresh start. I begin with my coffee and my lean and light breakfast. I work hard, balance a lot of different juggling balls and quite frankly, I feel like I have conquered the world with homeschooling and home teaching all before lunch. Then I head to the kitchen to make my kids their lunch and I begin to nibble. A little piece of cheese here and there and then I just dive right on in to a salami sandwich. It's just so much easier to eat what I am making for them then to make multiple meals. Then comes the afternoon snacking, what's quick while I am chest deep in emails, online lessons, and checklists for three? A box of Cheez Its, that's quick and damn tasty too! I don't eat the whole box, but let's be honest, even a handful of Cheez Its can cause some damage. Once dinner rolls around, I am filled with good intentions and some nights are good, and then a few nights a week we want to support our community and order take out. Healthy and light options just don't ever sound good or they're not available. I have gained three pounds since the beginning of quarantine and while that might not sound like a lot, it really ticks me off! I know how hard it is to lose three pounds! Ugh! I know that through this we all need to offer ourselves grace and understanding that this situation is unique, however, I just know when we come out of this, I am going to have to work my butt off, literally to lose the salami and Cheez Its. 
     My next and very real struggle is with sleep. I have been a complete roller coaster with the quality and amount of sleep I have been able to get. The first three to four weeks were awful; I couldn't fall asleep until beyond midnight and then found it very difficult to wake up at a productive hour. I don't know what it was then, worry, stress, the feeling of it just being Spring Break, I don't know. Well then suddenly once my online curriculum was in place, I knew all of my students were good, there was some direction from the Governor and my kids were into a good routine, my sleep got better. I was falling asleep at a decent hour and waking up feeling refreshed and ready to tackle the day. The last few nights have been back to awful for me and probably the worst so far out of the last six (plus) weeks. I am falling asleep at a decent time but now have this witching hour(s) from 3:15-6:15 am. I am out of bed and watching Netflix on the couch just to keep myself from having a complete panic attack about not being able to fall back to sleep. What the heck?! I have no explanation other than the obvious, but for the roller coaster to be happening is just beyond frustrating! Just when I think I have it figured out, boom, I am forced to function as a sleepless zombie and function well. 
     The other struggle worth mentioning here (trust me, there are more than three for me) is the lack of human connection. I am getting all the snuggles from my kids and husband and for that I am grateful. This time with them sure has been a blessing and has brought us all closer together. We needed this time together, really. I am getting virtual human connection, through apps and online opportunities both written and visual. I am still able to laugh until my cheeks hurt with my friends, and I am having more phone call conversations than I actually would typically prefer. I really feel like these experiences have brought many of us closer together. Our connections have been made stronger because we are relying on each other to talk things out, to check in and to connect more often. However, my friends are going to laugh reading this, but I miss the touch! I need to hug gosh darn it! It's so hard to not reach out and squeeze everyone you know when you see them drive by or walk by, or sit six feet away. Honestly, one of the first things I want to do when we get out of this, is visit all of my friends and family just to hug. It's going to be hard to let go truthfully. Isn't that funny? My friends know (pre quarantine me) was not a hugger. Well post quarantine me will be a hugger! I might even be the squeeze tight and for a little too long, it's getting awkward kind of hugger. I regret all of the times I didn't hug and I fully plan (take note) to make up for those times. 
     I know all of us are struggling in some way through this and whether your can relate to me and my quarrels with quarantine or you have grapples of your own, it's important to know that you're not alone. I think this time has taught us a lot about ourselves and our needs and we have so much to take away from what we are going through now. The struggles are real.