Today I was required to meet with an insurance representative at school, something I loathe, anything to do with finance, insurance, taxes, all that stuff. It literally makes my eyes go cross eyed and all I can think about in any of those discussions is how much my palms are sweating.
Following the meeting, a group of my work friends and I were standing around reflecting on how much we all hate that stuff and how we feel bad because we just pass it off to our husbands and trust them to just handle it and take care of it all. At first we were all thinking about just how bad and irresponsible it is that we don't know that stuff, or want to know, that we don't want to be the one to deal with it, that we don't want to be the one to think about it and that we just pass it on.
Rewind, to a week or so ago when I absolutely lit into Nick, my husband, about how he doesn't think about other people, he doesn't do any of the Christmas shopping, or family communicating. How he doesn't plan for dinners, or take it upon himself to organize homework and pre-plan for the boy's social and school calendars. I think at one point in the heated, nagging argument I accused him of not thinking of anyone but himself. Yeah, I feel horrible about that one.
Following, our hallway chat this morning, it dawned on me that we actually do have two entirely different roles in our relationship. That's a team, each member of a team has a position and a job in order for that team to be successful. I can't believe that it didn't hit me in the face sooner, but of course it would't because Nick doesn't gripe at me about the stuff that he does that I don't do. He doesn't ever use it against me when I forward him the health insurance emails I get, or when I forward retirement plan questions on to him. He doesn't ever throw up his arms and accuse me of being irresponsible, he just accepts that as his role, and his job on our team is to take care of our finances, prepare us for taxes, make sure that we are covered in a crisis and that we are planning for our retirement.
Coming out of this, I don't feel so bad now, I don't feel so irresponsible or stupid for putting all of that on him and wanting nothing to do with it. I have my role and my jobs too and I do them well, and I (mostly) enjoy doing them, whereas he wants nothing to do with the list making, the calendar organizing, the thinking about what we can gift to someone, or having outfits ready for school concerts and picture day or managing our home and creating memories for our family. Quite frankly, it scares me to think about how all of that would turn out if it were up to him, and I'm sure it terrifies him to think about how our future would look financially if it were up to me.
The point is, that we each assume the roles that we are best at on our team, if you can think the game and make plays, you play center forward on a hockey team or short stop on a baseball team. If you are speedy and quick with the ball you play forward on a soccer team. If you are big and strong and you have good feet you play offensive line on a football team. A relationship or marriage is just the same, we each assume the roles and positions that we are good at.
The epiphany I had today was that I shouldn't feel bad for not participating 100% in our finances or insurance or future financial planning, it's that I should feel bad for thinking that I do more. In reality Nick does just as much, thinks just as much, worries just as much and tries just as hard on our team, we just have very different, equally important positions.
I can't promise that I'm not ever going to nag again, or gripe about something I am doing that he is not, that's the goal, but not reality. I can promise, however, that my viewpoint on my marriage has changed and I have a new found appreciation for both my role on our team and all that my teammate does to contribute to our needs and achievements too. Go team!
Melissa here! While I'm all about sharing trends, deals, and outfit ideas with you, I have a true passion for writing. I love sharing thoughts on life the most and am excited to share those thoughts with all of you right here!
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